I'm not after your money, your vote, or your deference.
I'm not after fame or your admiration.
I'm not here to blame, divide, or attack, and I am not here as a doomsayer.
The main reason I'm doing this, and the reason all other reasons stem from, is because I feel the kind of love that we call care, for all people.
It's taken me a long time to realize that what has drawn me from my home is indeed a type of love. This kind of love is little understood and often mistaken for impossible, insincere or naive. This love I feel does not mean I want to be friends with everyone. Friendship is a very special kind of bond that is the result of deep familiarity and resonance. In fact the truth is, I do not even have to like someone to love them in this way.
This kind of love means I see us all in the same boat, struggling for essentially the same things. It means I see fundamental aspects of myself in all others and those of all others in myself. It means I have a deep recognition of, and humility resulting from, the human fallibility we all helplessly share. And it means I support, and so far as I feel I can afford to and am wanted to, also intend to assist all others towards the ultimate objectives that we share. Objectives such as to be respected, both by others and by one's self; to be safe physically emotionally and psychologically; to love and be loved; and to be autonomous.
I believe one of the most important things to understand about this project is that it is offered by an ordinary man. While there are certainly unique aspects to myself and the project as well, I have my own brand of inevitable human challenges and misconceptions that I struggle with just like you. These challenges undeniably involve all the issues that I want to talk about at this website. All that I say here is as much to myself as it is you and I do not in any way see myself as above you. This project also does not have the official air we so often demand of those that stand up to say things. I do not have perfectly formed answers. I do not have any credentials beyond being a human being. I'm not a trained or seasoned sociologist or psychologist or writer or expert of any kind. It is to all our benefit that ordinary people dig deeply into concepts such as I wish to talk about, and discuss and reflect upon them. Because whether we are free willed or manipulated, ignorant or aware, in the end it is ordinary people that define this world.
One of the things that this project implies is beneficial to us all is an acceptance of the depths of our own nature that are less than desirable. This is because, even while wanting to be "good", if we can accept that we sometimes behave in less than ideal, sometimes truly horrible ways then we actually deliver ourselves into the only position from which to improve upon such behavior. One cannot improve upon behavior that they refuse to accept the existence of.
I have a definite interest in not rendering a false image of myself here. I do have a genuine love for all people. But I would be going against my own philosophy---denying a part of how I am--if I did not also tell you that I have within me a deep frustration and even anger concerning humanity. This is connected to what appears to me as human kind's inability to see the forest for the trees. This is unreasonable; to be angry at someone for something they do not see. But this is how complex we are. This anger is misplaced but it is human and is thus far a genuine part of my experience. I do not carry it around on my shoulder. I do not view people through it and it is not of violence but it is presently part of how I am.
I seriously do not care that much about what others think concerning my capabilities and self awareness. But if people make a sound conclusion about one part of a persons capabilities they tend to make presumptuous conclusions about others. For instance one might note the disjointed way I have thus far developed and executed this site and its features, and that would be a sound conclusion. But based on that, they might conclude that I am lazy or un-committed which would be an unfounded conclusion that I wouldn't give a damn about. But from that they might conclude that my subject here at the site is frivolous or just some half-assed thing I'm screwing around with and that I would care about. Because the only thing I really care about involving the above scenario is successfully getting my subject matter in front of people. If they write it off based on other observations about me I'll be missing my mark. So like I said, although I don't care what you think of me---something that has just become quite funny because apparently I care if you think I care about that---I do care about whether or not you give the basic subject matter of the site a fair shake. So please understand that if the project seems disjointed and inconsistent, it is not for my lack of commitment and effort. I have been working... my... ASS... off (but I swear I'm still not half assed). But there is a disruptive issue that has deeply affected everything I've done here. Part of the problem is just that this project is really right on the fringe of what the average person even understands about themselves, including me. (forgive me for the length of this but I think I'm just enjoying writing: I spent the last 4 weeks---many 16 hour days---writing what ultimately became just 12 paragraphs in my 7th draft of the intro and it was literally the hardest thing I have ever done) But the REAL problem is that every time I sit down to write, it's like a cluster bomb goes off in my head and I spend most of my time trying to piece my ideas back together... or maybe it's more like my cognitive skills are akin to this rickety boat on the stormy sea of my brain. And all my concepts are spread on the water around the boat and undulating on the waves from peak to trough, one moment in reach and the next out but sometimes still in sight and I'm grabbing at them when I can and getting fistfulls of partial sets (it really is kind of like this) and trying to arrange them on the deck and Fleetwood Macs' "Don't stop" is playing in the background and every so often a wave full of concepts comes spilling over the side, washing some of the one's I've been arranging back into the sea and leaving in their place a new tangled mess for me to begin arranging again and the truth is that in a very real sense I am highly disorganized or maybe it's not so much that I am disorganized as that I cannot become organized, it's just not how my brain seems to work and when I'm in front of the computer most of my best thoughts just seem to draw up short, forming a great press in the shadows of my perception, holding off until such time as they can come bursting out of the blue while I'm eating a sandwich or tying my shoe causing me to scramble to capture them on something more enduring than the register of my brain before they flutter away, but even putting the ones I get into a functional hierarchy with sound cohesion is like pulling teeth but also pushing them back in again and I feel like a would-be warrior, if you will, who's warrior craft is deeply flawed and I've practically had a nervous friggin' breakdown out here!
Geez, it's good to get that off my chest! ...Man... wow, are you still reading? All the way down here? Well.. Thanks!
Anyway, (sound of clearing throat) that's me.